Goodbye 250's! On the road to the SEXY new me!

Yeah, so I'm fat. I never claimed not to be. If you had my husband for 10 years you'd have crappy self-esteem too. You'd find love in food and drown your troubles in it.

No more.

I cheated this morning, I weighed again. I'm really only supposed to weigh once a week, so that way at each weigh-in I feel like I've accomplished something. I'm down 7 lbs from my starting weight, and have said goodbye to the 250's. The good thing is, I'm not 5' tall. I'm nearly 6' tall, so 248 lbs on me looks different than on a short person. Not justifying my weight, but at least I won't have to wear a tent for clothes much longer.

I've decided to give up my membership to the gym. I never used it, and don't want to. It was a couples membership I got with the ex. I'm taking my name off the contract so he can add his girlfriend that lives with him. My stomach turns every time I even think about her.

Am I jealous? I don't think so. What I'm upset about is how blind I was to the fact he had a relationship with her long before my father died in July. The ex can blame my mom for busting our relationship up, but you know what - he did it a year and a half ago when he made the internet and his online girlfriends and his porn more important than his family.

Enough of that, I'm still depressed over the XBOX. Not like I can use it while I live here, but I'd at least like to know it works, you know?

::sigh::

So a co-worker talked to me about 24-hour Fitness. I think I'm going to try them. For the main reason that they are the company that promotes the Biggest Loser. And there were people competing for the show here. So they are used to fat, out of shape people who are determined to lose weight. That's me. I want to walk into that courtroom as skinny and sexy as possible, so that the ex is drooling all over something he will be forever kicking himself because he gave it up and will never have it again. The satisfaction I will feel when I show him and his butt-ugly girlfriend that I AM sexy, that I AM the hottest thing there is, and HA HA you gave it up. It will be priceless, and the only payback I will need.

I will need all the support I can get. Please leave comments, subscribe to my feeds... I need to know that I'm not alone, that I can really do this, and show the world who I really am.

Micro$oft sucks Round II

Well, the XBOX came back today, sans power brick and cord. When I sent it back the third time they told me to include the power brick and cord. I am excited to see the box on my bed when I get home, start yanking it out, get all the connector cables and the controller and hike out to the living room. Went back to get the controller, came back to the TV and was beginning to hook it up... when I saw I didn't have power. Went back to look in the box, and it wasn't there. I was so ticked off, I called Micro$oft. Another two hours on the phone, and my insistence they send the power brick overnight. They wouldn't do it. I've had it. I'm tired of outsourced out-of-country support (you know where I'm talking about) where they don't know what customer service is or how to even talk to people. No wonder Bill Gates is ready to retire, Micro$oft has outsourced all their support to English-as-a-second-language countries to make more of a profit. I don't get it.

I noticed the serial number. They sent me a different box. So whether it works or not, who knows. It is 6 months newer than the one I sent in. But I won't be able to test it until that stupid power brick comes that they say is going to take two weeks for me to get. Unacceptable, but what other choice do I have? Put an ax through the machine and send it back?

Typical Micro$oft, you know? And just so you know, don't plan on ever getting a refund if you have a monthly membership to XBOX Live. Just because your box is in the shop they still expect you to use your service. Go figure.

Does anybody know if you still retain your gamertag when you cancel, or do you have to get another one? I'd love to get another one, to be honest. The ex came up with the one we have, and I have the Live membership. All I need is yet another reminder of what he did to his family.

I'm so ready for the divorce, it's not even funny.

I've lost weight! First milestone

I weighed this morning and I was happy. I started my diet on Weight Watchers about a week ago. I've had my ups and downs, days when I was on plan and days when I was off. But I still lost 5 pounds! I'm trying to exercise as much as I can. Yay for me.

Armageddon and Food Storage - Home for sale

You know, I'm not one of those people that always have something profound to say. In fact, I'm probably the least profound person you will ever meet. Sometimes I wish I was more like my father. He was great at enlightening someone with what he said.

My mom has decided to go to grief counseling. I say it's past due. She's got 10 days to get it done or she'll have to pay for it herself. She needs to find a way to cope, deal with her feelings and find her independence.

They have lived in this house for almost 30 years. I spent most of my childhood here, and it's really the only home I can remember. She's contemplating selling it. I think it's a good choice. There are some adult communities close, and she could get a ground floor condo. I just wish the housing market was better for her. She's got a custom built candy shop in the basement. Commercial sink, gas burner (for a big copper kettle), a cream beater, an electric range, a hand sink, and custom cabinetry that holds her stock in finished chocolates. She's also got a brand new cash register. I believe she could get about $250k for the house. The basement is fully finished, separate entry for the shop, and an extra kitchen downstairs - also full of custom cabinets. There is no range, only a fridge and a sink. There is an enormous built in food storage pantry that is walk in. It's great. A large family room downstairs with a brick wall meant for a pellet stove and/or gas fireplace. They never got that installed. Three bedrooms. Three bathrooms. One bedroom has a custom built organizer in the closet (they used that room as an office).

So, if you or anyone you know of is looking to buy a house for a small family that has any type of cooking hobbies and hoards food storage for Armageddon, this is the place! Carpet allowance included - carpet is old and worn, it was installed nearly 20 years ago. Agents welcome.

Talk about a Monday!

Today was bad. I woke up late, the kids wouldn't get out of bed, I almost drove off without taking my lunch, I was nearly late for work and then come to find out we had someone call in sick. Yay. So the work was difficult today, very busy and I felt like I didn't get much accomplished. Have you ever had days where you were just spinning in circles? That was today.

I went to exchange the last top at Fashion Bug and I went to exchange the car seat covers I bought. Now tomorrow I have to clean out the car, clean my room and do laundry.

I suddenly got very tired, it's only 9:30pm. Today has wore me out.

Sunday struggles

Well, today was my first Sunday of the New Year. My bishop called me to the primary. I was suprised, he knew I was a smoker but he also knows I'm struggling with it and trying to quit. He understands and that gives me hope. The fact that I'm not judged for my struggles from a previous life makes me really feel like I can be a primary teacher, and can be a good example to kids. Maybe this is what I need to quit - being a teacher and a role model.

My room is a mess, I went through my storage unit over the weekend to get my church bag - that had all my previous primary saved lessons in it, hoping to save myself some time from lessons that are already prepared. A lot of old church stuff in that backpack, and it was beaten from use and heavy books, scriptures and every other thing I would carry in it. So I went and picked up a new backpack. I've loaded nearly the same stuff in it, but the construction on the new one seems to be better. I think it will hold up longer than the first one. Only time will tell.

I blew my diet this weekend. I had an incurable sweet tooth, and it made me sad. We all know that sugar creates hunger - and that's exactly what it did. I had an incurable sweet tooth and it took me until today to figure out the more I eat the more I want. ACK! Not good. So I'm going back to plan tomorrow.

It's late. I just got finished with the emails I do for work. 211 emails to start off with, 1/2 junk the rest had to be answered. I got about 2/3 of the way done. There were just way too many.

The road conditions are supposed to be crappy tomorrow morning, so I'm headed to bed since I need to plan on an extra 1/2 hour because of traffic and the slickness of the road.

....

I'm tired. Today was a long day. I had to have my car in the shop to have the brakes repaired but I knew I would need to do it while I was at work. I had no choice but to go to the dealer and have them shuttle me to work. That alone was a pain. And costly. Hasn't anyone ever told you not to have the dealer work on a vehicle unless it's warranty service?

I took back everything I got at Fashion Bug yesterday. I couldn't afford all that stuff for one, and because most of it I ended up not liking once I got home and could try it in REAL light in a REAL mirror. I traded them for some other things, and got a bunch of my money back.

I did well on Weight Watchers today - I used all my points but I didn't go over. I cheated though, and weighed this morning just out of curiosity and I had already dropped a pound. Yay. The stuff I traded at Fashion Bug I got some cute things that are too small, so they will look better when I lose 5-20 lbs. My goal is to be down 15 lbs by the end of January. I don't want to drop it fast, I've done that before and ended up regretting it.

Other things of note, I've got an appointment with an attorney on Monday for my divorce. I'm also doing better with smoking, though I haven't quit yet. I don't go out for smoke breaks when I'm at work anymore, it stays busy enough and thankfully when I'm on the computer I don't have that urge for nicotine. It's after when my brain is more dormant that I have a problem. So I think the trick will be to keep my brain active and concentrating on other things.

I guess I should start taking some pictures so I can do a before and after thing. I know I'm pretty, I'm just fat and depressed. But I'm working on that. Having the opportunity to go clothes shopping and purchase a 14/16 blouse rather than a 22/24 blouse is a positive experience. I hope to be able to purchase one cute thing every time I drop significant weight where I can't get away with wearing the larger clothes anymore.

OK I've got movies to watch and review. Hasta lasagna, don't get any on ya.

The First REAL DAY of Weight Watchers....

I really didn't do that badly. I'm actually quite happy about it. I picked the FLEX plan, the one with the points. I feel it gives me a system I can understand, and it gives me the chance to retrain my thinking about what I eat. I love the WWOnline program, and entering everything I eat. It makes a daily food journal EASY as PIE. Speaking of pie, I had lots and lots of food today, didn't go hungry, and still had 9.5 points left at the end of the day.

I love the fact that broccoli and green salad is free, and my favorite dressing is free, and I can have what I want. Though I don't like a lot of dressing, it's nice to be able to have ranch dressing on a salad without visually seeing the pounds heading toward my mouth.

I know this is going to work. I enjoyed today, I had fun with my food (without playing with it) and I feel anxious to start tomorrow. A few more days of this and maybe I'll even hit the gym! The ex is paying for a couple's membership, but we live 160 miles apart. To cancel our membership, it's a $400 buyout. So he hasn't done it yet. May as well use it, huh?

Today was the first day back to work after the holiday. Boy could I tell. It had Monday written all over it, and we were very busy.

On the way home from work, I decided to stop off at Fashion Bug (it's cheaper than Torrid and actually on my way) to see if I could get some pants. I'm losing weight, I've lost a pant size even with the holidays... so I don't want anything expensive or loose fitting. They have to look good even when tight, because they will have to travel with me as I lose several pant sizes. I hate shopping alone, I can't ever figure out what looks good on me. I can guess, but that's all it is - a guess. I hate taking the kids with me when I shop, they are monsters. So consequently I bought 7 pairs of pants and a pair of shoes to bring home and get a 2nd opinion. To make a long story short, all but the shoes and one pair of pants are going back. I swear I had 20 pair off the rack - and I think my maybe's and no's got confused because I brought pants home I didn't want, and was missing the pants I DID want. So I'm going back tomorrow to take the other 6 pair back and get a pair of brown pants that I tried on today and somehow just didn't buy.

I think I broke it...

I was playing World of Warcraft and all of a sudden my screen went funny and the program crashed. Odd.

I do remember how to play the game, I just don't remember where I was, what I was doing or what happened to my friends. I guess that went when my subscription expired a year ago? :P

Anyway, I've played with it enough for tonight. Time for bed. If anybody plays WoW or knows anybody who plays it, please let me know. I need friends.

What to do with a four-day weekend?

I've been trying for 3 days to play World of Warcraft. I went through storage the other day when the ex was here, and found some computer games that weren't in my CD binder. So I thought I'd play something new, since I don't have an XBOX!

I ran the game I had installed, and had to do a handful of updates. Understandable, it's probably been a year since I played and I didn't even expect them to save my character after all this time. However, this wasn't enough. I went to try and sign in, and it kept going. I fell asleep before it finished. So yesterday I tried again, and finally got to the point it would let me login, but I forgot to reset my account and get the billing turned on. I went to the website and found out I could get a free 10-day trial to the Burning Crusade addon - so I said, OK. I've already spent the last two days downloading updates so I could play, what's another few hours. Again, I fell asleep waiting.

Fast forward to today, and I finally got everything downloaded. Finally got all the updates working with each other and can sign in. My character is still there! Wow, I'm actually happy, even though I don't remember a thing about this game. Oh well, I've still got 6 hours or so to find out!