Why am I awake at 4am?

Good question. I had some work to do with laundry and the computer, so I was able to stay busy for a bit. I would rather be in bed though.

I've not had The Brownie Show for two weeks now - last week we went to Lagoon (for those of you that don't know what it is, it's a 6-flags wannabe) and this week I had too many other things going on. I'm planning on rescheduling it anyway, I just don't know when would be best. So, that is still under construction.

My mom has decided to stop selling candy through her website and asked me to take it down. While I have my own personal issues about that, it might be for the best. It has been interesting though, she has been getting orders from out of nowhere, from clear across the country. I never advertised her website... for a couple of reasons. The biggest one was that my mom and dad never provided me with the photos I needed for the site. After he passed away, my mom has avoided the shop like the plague. Now, she wants to sell the house and stop making candy. I know she loves to do it, but now she just doesn't want to. How can I possibly fix that? As a single working mom I don't have much time to help her. I have too many things of my own to take care of. However, I would love to learn the business so I can take over for her. But if she's not making candy orders, there's no need to make candy, and no need for me to learn recipes or techniques.

With both of my uncles in bad health (one has bone cancer the other just had a massive stroke) my mom is really feeling mortality and wants to get everything in order. But I also think she has one foot in the grave. How long will that last? I don't know. There are still good days and bad days.

Is it selfish of me to want to learn how to make candy? Is it selfish that I don't want the greatness of it all to die with her?

Yeah it's 4 am and I'm talking nonsense, and stuff that's waaaaaaay too serious. But sometimes you have to stop and wonder about these kinds of things.

..... Who set the alarm for 4am? Dang kids.

Bored and tired

Sitting here contemplating why I allowed my ex to find my "new life" on the internet. I left all that behind and tried to start something new.

Things are kindof messed up, I'll have to go into more detail later.

Right now I am streaming live on Ustream at http://www.ustream.tv/channel/jcgeekgirl-live but I plan on going to bed eventually since I need to leave early to make the train.