I've decided to update my stuff on Classmates.com hoping I will get a bite from someone I went to school with. Since my move, I haven't connected with many people that I'd like to. Kinda sad. I knew starting over would be hard, but when you've gone the last 10 years without a lot of friends (the ex scared everybody away) it is even harder to pick up all the pieces.
I haven't had a chance to get my Utah driver's license yet, and I've been here long enough I should go get it. Since my job is giving me today off I now have the chance to get that done.
More later.
Well, I've decided to start on my 2008 Resolution List early this year. Due to all the roller coaster events I call my life, it is time to make some changes. I plan on tackling these one at a time, so that way I'm successful.
I have been thinking about my weight. My family harps on me, and I know I'm overweight. You know what though? I don't think of myself as fat, I think of myself as I was in high school. I just don't look that way. Depression has a big hold on my life, and because of that, many other things affect me.
My goals for 2008 are as follows (not in this order, this is just my 'draft'):
- Get the divorce filed, and move on with my life. That doesn't need any more explanation and that is the most important thing to me.
- Quit smoking. I've smoked for so many years, this takes medicine to stop the cravings.
- Get control of my depression. This will in turn affect everything else and help me be more successful in the other things I have to do.
- Move out. I love my mom, but I'm an adult with kids. She wants to sell the house. I love the house, but I am not in a position to buy it from her. I will have to make memories elsewhere.
- Remain active in my church and activities. I enjoy going to church, I feel loved, accepted and appreciated for who I am - all my faults included.
- Lose weight. A lot of weight. I figure in a year, I can lose everything I need to. 2 pounds a week, by next Christmas I'll be right where I want to be. How will I accomplish this? I've been contemplating since last summer about joining Weight Watchers. My brother, his wife and my mom all do Nutrisystem but I don't think that's for me. I like some of their food, but I'm also not a freeze dried person. It is convenient, but I don't want to eat prepackaged food for an entire year, sorry. My whole goal is to retrain my body into making the right choices and decisions when it comes to my eating. A meal in a box won't do that.
I'll add more as I come up with stuff. Wish me luck. If you talk to me, encourage me. Don't demean what I'm doing, don't look down on me because I have a poor self image. I have a history of heart disease, obesity, cancer (various types), and diabetes (both types) in my family. I had a cousin who died when he was my age from a massive heart attack. He was very heavy, and too young to die.
My mom's washer is nifty. Well, I haven't used it yet, but it sure looks cool! I just got back from Wal-Mart, we had to buy new laundry detergent because it's an HE front loading washer. That sucks, my mom just bought special laundry soap that costs $18/gal.
What's so special about High Efficiency (he) Washing Machines? Less water usage. Less detergent usage, therefore clothes last longer and less lint because your clothes aren't being eaten.
So I've yet to try the washer. Or the dryer. The user manuals they come with read like a Russian dictionary (meaning VERY HARD TO UNDERSTAND). I can see why many people have a problem with front loading washers. You read the first page and it's like "eh, forget it. I can figure it out myself." Therefore, costly repairs and maintenance need to be done on the machine. RTFM people. RTFM. (Read The Freakin' Manual). I'm struggling through it, because my brother paid big bucks for this and got an extended warranty and everything. My mom is technophobic so that leaves learning the new laundry system up to yours truly.
Tomorrow I'll finish reading the manual and give it a shot. Wish me luck!
Today has felt like a Monday. Fridays are not supposed to feel like Mondays, are they? The good news is, I got paid today and can finally pay off the payday loan I got before Christmas. Yay for me.
My mom got her Christmas present delivered today. A brand new Whirlpool washer and dryer combo. You know the kind, that have the step risers and come in colors? YEAH! My brother bought it for her. I think it's supposed to be the kid-gift for this year, but nobody said anything to me about pitching in for the cost. Last year we got her a digital camera that was easy to use (the same kind I had and dropped this summer, lens was out, and it shattered into pieces) and a nice photo printer with a touch screen so it didn't even have to be hooked up to a computer. I don't remember what we got her the year before... but we've usually tried to get her things she needs.
We all had a wonderful Christmas. I'll add some pictures later - but we were all opening presents for hours.
The kids got some great toys, new bedding and their traditional Christmas Eve pajamas. Grandma got some wonderful books, a George Foreman grill, and some movies. I got a purse and wallet from my sister, scarf/gloves, watch and earrings from my brother and some kitchen & bath goods. Mom also gave me my dad's digital camera since I broke mine a few months ago by throwing it on the ground.
We gave a lot of gifts to the neighbors and felt good this season, even without my dad and my grandma. We used to have a tradition while I was growing up that we would go to grandma's house on Christmas Eve to eat dinner, exchange presents and sing around the piano while grandma played.
This year we went to my sister's house in Ogden, and had lots of fun with her family. We have our own Christmas Eve tradition now, because for so many years we lived too far away or couldn't afford to travel to grandmas. I felt my dad's presence around since Sunday. It seems as if he was just hanging around for the holidays. My dad loved Christmas. The sights, the sounds, the spirit and the joy of giving.
::sigh::
All in all, this Christmas wasn't as bad as I was expecting. Mom seemed outwardly able to cope with her feelings. Since she's been wearing her emotions on her sleeve, watching her reactions and her emotions this week seem to tell me she is on her way through the healing process she's needed for a long time. Doesn't mean we don't miss dad - but the pain is a bit different now.
I didn't get much sleep last night. I've been tired all day. Now, unfortunately, I'm wide awake and can't sleep again. Plus, I was so busy today I didn't get to emails until way late. I've got them all done except the ones requiring photos to be uploaded.
Christmas was good. We received a lot of kindness and generosity this year. I'll write more about it when I'm awake.
I can't believe I'm still awake. I've been so busy today I forgot I was supposed to do emails for my work. There was so much stuff in there, it took me 1/2 hour to delete all the crap. Most of the emails were pretty detailed too - not something I could use a canned answer for. I actually had to talk to people. Count 50 of those and feature activations it took several hours.
Now I'm so sleepy I can't keep my eyes open. I just know my kids will be up at the crack of dawn screaming at the top of their lungs to let them past the pixie dust so they can open presents.
I have to do emails tomorrow too (well technically later today!) so I'm hoping that people actually celebrate Christmas and leave the computer alone. Less email is gooood.
I wonder what I got for Christmas....
Why did my mother drag me out of the house at 11:30 pm to deliver cinnamon rolls to our neighbors? I'm confused. I might be a procrastinator and a Christmas Eve Wrapper but that doesn't mean everyone else is. Normal, organized people go to bed - even on Christmas Eve.
*YAWN*
Well the kids loved their pajamas. Read them their traditional Christmas Eve story and we set out cookies for Santa and they went to bed.
I'm exhausted, but I haven't had a chance to do the work for my job yet. It may be a holiday, but people still send email that needs to be answered.
Here's hoping your Christmas is merry and bright. Please remember Christmas starts with CHRIST not SANTA.
OK I've been looking for my keys ALL FREAKIN' DAY. I have had the xbox packed and ready to be shipped only I couldn't leave because the car keys were nowhere to be found. I was in severe need of Mountain Dew - which also inconveniently was in the car. Since the temperatures are lower now, the car is where I store my 12-pack boxes.
Now that the keys are found (they were hiding on the table - which is covered by all the Christmas gift-giving stuff - the gifts, the bags, ribbons, paper, lists... you name it. It's amazing I found the keys at all.
The kids are driving me crazy today. I don't know why they are so bored, I've had them doing things all day. I can't wait for Christmas vacation to be over and they go back to school. These guys are monkeys. They are never quiet, and always have to be saying something. Hours and hours of nothing. Seinfeld kid style, with tantrums and whining included.
OK so I admit it, I waited forever to start giving gifts this year. Part of the problem is that I don't have any money. Second, I'm not creative. However, I used to make soap, and I brought most of that with me in the move. So, I'm giving soap I've made for Christmas. The gifts could be better I suppose, and maybe with more planning (and money...) next year I can give better gifts.
Now, let's see if everyone is home to give these to because it's snowing like CRAZY now.
OK I love the XBOX 360 but to be honest it's a big paperweight. I'm packing up my console AGAIN. This will be the THIRD TIME I have sent it for repairs. I told them they better get it right this time or send me a brand new machine.
I went through the ring of death twice. The first time we sent in a ROD console, they sent us a new console back. Well, maybe not new, but not our serial number was not the same as the one we got. Oh well.
The second time happened less than 6 months later. We were having freezes all the time, automatic resets, but we seemed to be able to keep going just fine. So we get our 2nd ROD. I don't have the time or the patience to deal with it - so I wait until we've moved and have time to take care of it. So it's been in storage since around September. I sent it in, and got it back in 2 weeks. Odd it seems... but whatever.
OK so I find some time to pull it out of the box. It came on Wednesday and so I plugged it in today since it was the weekend and time to get ready for Christmas. So I go hook it up to the TV to test it, and make sure it works. I get some weird error... "To play this disc, please put it in an xbox 360 console."
Well, it's a 360 game alright. And it's going into a 360 machine. So what's the problem? Maybe the disc. Try another game disc. Nope. Try another. Nope. Try all of my 360 games... none of them play and I get that error.
So I go to M$ website and try to figure out how to fix this. The only remotely close thing I could come up with tried to tell me it was because of the date and time. OK so I go to fix the date and time and it still doesn't work. The website gives me no other troubleshooting steps.
OK so I am having a meltdown, because it looks like I will have to send my console in YET AGAIN!!!! I'm fuming at this point, since it seems to have been returned to me UNREPAIRED.
So I called, wasted about 1/2 hour of my time. I knew it needed to be sent back, I just had to get them to send me a mailing label in email. Only this time I have to send back my power supply. My guess is they want to recreate the problem. I told them not to bother sending it back to me if they haven't checked all the problems and make sure it works before sending it back. Next time, they are sending me a NEW CONSOLE!! Three times? Give me a break.
So now, my kids don't have the 360 to play and entertain themselves over Christmas vacation. They better give me a 1 year Live membership for free for this!
Well, the soon-to-be ex is threatening me with a custody battle. He doesn't want to see the kids, doesn't pay his child support, is living with a drug addict who can't get a job and thinks I'm the worst person ever because the kids don't want to see him.
Why should they? He's treated them like crap. He never calls, never writes, never visits... and the kids are begging me to find them a new dad. What does that tell you?
I feel like I'm fleeing an abusive home. He never hit me, but he threw things at me often, beat the kids for no reason and with no warning. He's always had a short temper, but I thought when we had kids it would get better, and he'd learn to have patience.
I was wrong.
It's way worse. He's told me that it is conscious choices that keep him out of jail. He tells me the only reason he's not a serial killer is because he knows the difference between right and wrong.
Now, you tell me.
Do you want this kind of guy raising YOUR kids?
Me neither.
A local radio station was doing it's First Annual Christmas Carol Extravaganza. Listeners would call in and sing their favorite Christmas carol. Mine was O Holy Night.
They put the recordings on their website so we could share with family and friends. Don't know how long it will be there, I'm hoping I can figure out a way to record it or get a copy of mine.
I found out later this show is syndicated - yikes! That means people all over heard me, not just the local folk. My brother heard me on the radio and called me as soon as the song was over. He lives about 20 miles away so he had no idea of what I was doing. It was nice I could share that experience with him, including the message I said at the end of my little over-the-phone performance.
Anyway, my song is the first of this set. Enjoy.
KSL 1160 AM / 102.7 FM Salt Lake City Utah - Nightside Project 8pm - Midnight
I was just surfing the internet looking for Postum for my mom (who doesn't like Pero nearly as much) and came upon a blog.
I thought, "Why don't I have a blog? What is a blog anyway?" I mean, I know the answer to the latter, but I'm trying to figure out what took me so long to follow the other sheep of the internet.
I have a MySpace account - but it seems to me to be like a meat market. The bar scene without going to a bar. In fact, I'm ready to delete my MySpace. My soon-to-be-ex met his new live-in girlfriend on MySpace or CherryTap or something, over a year before we split. She moved in just weeks after I left.
Oh well, I don't need to be depressed. I'm already cynical!
I guess I haven't made a blog before now because I had nothing to talk about. I still don't, but I figure that if I ramble enough it might be coherent. What do you think?
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